My Academic Goals

So, I know that the bulk of this blog is about "rebuilding" me, but I think that my academic life is part of that building process. Besides, I'm finally feeling as if my burn out from 6 straight years of full time school and often times, full time work is over and can now really focus on my research with a clearer head. I'm also a firm believer that if I write it down then I'm obligated to do it. So here are my goals for my academic life:
-Defend my dissertation proposal by the end of February
-Complete and defend my IRB application by the end of April
-Submit an abstract to RSA, ISSS, ISTSS, CSWE, ASC, ISSTD
-Get at least two manuscripts published
-Complete and submit my grant application for my dissertation
-Complete my data collection by the end of the year

My end goal is to have a CV that is Research I University-worthy so that means I need to amp things up a notch and start to learn and embrace more difficult types of data analysis and methods. I know that I can do it and I know that I can get my dream job at a Tier I school. Like I said in my athletic post, 2012 will be my year of big accomplishments!!!

Forgiving myself

I am taking a page out of a friend's blog that discusses her weight loss journey. She talks about making amends for gaining the weight. After reading her post, I realized that I needed to forgive myself too. From the beginning of my journey I would constantly beat myself up about taking so long to make the decision to lose the weight or for regaining the 30 pounds I had lost for my wedding and putting on 25 additional pounds or for gaining weight at all after high school. I would also beat myself up about not staying active after high school when I loved to work out. More importantly, I felt that I deserved to get diagnosed with IgA Nephropathy because I had "let myself go" even though I know that the research points to no definitive cause.

My friend's blog post really hit home with me and I noticed that I constantly beat myself up about gaining the weight and add in a side order of guilt. This only makes me feel worse about myself and distracts me from my goal. Today, I am forgiving myself for gaining the weight. I am forgetting about all those times when I verbally and emotionally beat myself up for letting my butt widen. Continuing to stay stuck in that maladaptive mindset only shields my view of the new and exciting journey I am on and distracts me from seeing all the amazing progress I am making on a daily basis. No more looking at past mistakes. I am going to enjoy the new path that has been laid out in front of me. Thank you, Melissa, for making me realize that I needed to forgive myself!

Daily Exercise Log

This will be the post where I will update my daily exercise activities so that you can see what I am doing and maybe get some ideas to add to your own routine.

Sunday, September 25th
Ran the Linda Yalem 5K Safety Run (See my post on this run for my reflections on the event)

Monday, September 26th
90 minutes of strength training with my hubby

Tuesday, September 27th
Taught my Zumba class (60 minutes)
Taught 1/2 hour and participated in the other 1/2 of a fellow instructor's Zumba class

Wednesday, September 28th
Rest Day

Thursday, September 29th
Taught my Zumba class (60 minutes)

Friday, September 30th
60 minutes of Zumba
Taught a fellow instructor's Zumba class (60 minutes)

Saturday, October 1st
Rest Day- cold, rainy weather is wreaking havoc on my injured shoulder and knee

Sunday, October 2nd
Attended the New Balance Good Form Running Clinic, minimal running but didn't do much else due to extreme shoulder and knee pain

Monday, October 3rd
Attempted a run in my new runners but could only do a half mile...new sneakers seem to be forcing me to land differently and I became frustrated.

Tuesday, October 4th
Taught my Zumba class (60 minutes)
Co-taught a fellow instructors class (60 minutes)

Wednesday, October 5th
Rest day- between meetings and work, no time for a workout

Thursday, October 6th
Taught my Zumba class (60 minutes)
Ran for 2.5 miles, practiced GFR and a few fartleks, great run in new runners

Friday, October 7th
Zumba class (60 minutes)

Saturday, October 8th
Boxing/TRX (60 minutes)
Ran 5K

Sunday, October 9th
Rest day

Monday, October 10th
Ran 4.51 miles!!!! It felt amazing and I'm less than a half a mile away from having the mileage down for the Turkey Trot

Tuesday, October 11th
Taught my Zumba Class (60 minutes)

Wednesday, October 12th
Rest day-knee is not cooperating at all!!!

Thursday, October 13th
Taught my Zumba Class (60 minutes)

Friday, October 14th
Zumba (60 minutes)
Attempted a 5K run, had to turn back, both knee and right calf were killing me

Saturday, October 15th
TRX/Boxing

Sunday, October 16th
Ran 3.25 miles-felt much better

Monday, October 17th
Attempted to run a 5K, again the right calf was bothering me

Tuesday, October 18th
Ran 2.25 miles on the treadmill at the gym, felt good
Taught my Zumba class (60 minutes)

Wednesday, October 19th
Rest day, had a massage the previous day so my body needed some recuperation time

I'm gonna be a "Dirty Girl"!!!

Stay tuned for pics this weekend. I am participating in the Dirty Girl Mud Run. For those of you who know me, know that I am dainty, LOVE anything sparkly, and do NOT like to get dirty. This is going to be an experience for me. Hopefully I don't get too much mud in my hair!!

Exercise always makes me feel better!

It's true. No matter what mood I'm in or how I'm feeling, exercise always makes me feel better. If I'm feeling tired or a little down, an hour of Zumba will instantly perk me up! If I am having trouble concentrating or just need to clear my head, a good run is the cure for that. If I am running low on self-confidence, an hour long strength training session will do the trick! I never thought that a little exercise would become such an integral part of my life to the point where if I'm feeling blue, angry, or frustrated exercise completely transforms my mood. Once I get into my groove, I forget about everything that upset me before and I truly love how I feel afterwards. I'm so ecstatic that I have discovered all the amazing benefits of exercise. Prior to beginning my journey, if I was in a foul mood or feeling sad I would continue to let it fester and would do nothing to alleviate those feelings. My life has truly changed for the better and I hope that others will come to experience the many benefits of exercise that I have experienced. Don't believe me, just try it for a week and see how much better you feel. I dare you :)

"You're an inspiration..."

I hear that at least twice a week from various individuals. Every time I hear it now it makes me smile, but I didn't always react that way at first. Accepting compliments has not been easy for me. I would always respond with a "thank you, but...". What follows the 'but' was always something negative, my way of ignoring the positive. What I lacked was self-confidence and a belief that I could accomplish great things. I am happy to say that I my self-confidence has dramatically improved, but it is still a work in progress. Now I respond with a "thank you!" and no 'but' on the end.

When I began my weight loss journey, being an inspiration to others was the furthest thing from my mind. I never imagined that would happen. Heck, I was just trying to do one more rep or walk for 5 more minutes. Somewhere along the way I did become an inspiration to others, let's call that a happy little accident. I have noticed that through my posts on Facebook, pictures, and "appearances" in the gym I have inspired more people to either begin their own journey, whatever that may look like, or put the pedal to the medal on their current journey. Knowing that I am helping others just by doing what I need to do to help myself, is inspiring to me. I always tell my Zumba class that we have a symbiotic relationship; I motivate them every class to give it their all and provide them with a great workout and in turn they keep me accountable. Slacking is not an option. Those individuals who tell me that I am inspiring to them make me want to do more, they make me want to train harder, add more push ups or planks, run for just one more mile, or sign up for one more 5K. So "thank you" again to all of those who have said I am inspiration to them because you inspire me as well!! Love you all!!

Reflecting on the wonderful people and things in my life.

"The life we waste everyday because we want a better one or because we are never satisfied with it, is the life that many wish and yearn to have and would give everything to have it." I read those words in an article on CNN about living on the trash dumps in Mozambique. The author Jose Ferreira was photographing life at the trash dumps (you can read the article here: http://www.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/africa/08/27/Mozambique.trash.city/index.html?&hpt=hp_c2).

Those words really moved me and made me think about how fortunate I am. Actually, I've been thinking a lot about that topic lately and how blessed I am in many aspects of my life. I can't tell you how often I've bitched about certain things in my life on Facebook and complained when things don't go my way. FML has often appeared at the end of such posts. Why do we complain? Why do we constantly bitch about not getting what we want. Why can't I look at all the wonderful things in my life when I feel the urge to complain?

Truth is, I am truly blessed. I have an amazing and supportive family that loves me no matter what and parents who would do anything for me. I have a wonderful sister that looks to me for guidance and is my first best friend. I have an adorable nephew that is incredibly bright and the cutest and sweetest little boy in the world. I have the greatest husband in the world who supports me in every decision I make and who is truly my soulmate. I am blessed to have my bestest friend in the world and although she is thousands of miles away, I can always text her when I'm feeling down and she always cheers me up. She, along with my husband and family, always remind me of my talents and accomplishments. I have a wonderful group of friends that are always there for me. I am blessed with intelligence and determination that have enabled me to obtain my bachelors and masters degrees and am now able to work toward my PhD. I have 3 jobs...and I am so grateful in this economy to have multiple jobs. I am respected at school and I have faculty and colleagues who truly want to see me succeed. I am so excited that I can work out at the gym on a nearly daily basis and have been able to accomplish many of my fitness goals...the remainder I will accomplish shortly :)

Most importantly, I have many clothes, a fully stocked fridge, and a roof over my head. I don't have to sleep on the street or in my car and I don't have to search for food in the trash. I mention all of the things that I am thankful for in my life as a reminder to myself that I am truly blessed and fortunate. So, the next time I feel like posting FML or bitching about stupid things I am going to remember that quote above and the many wonderful things and people in my life.

Winning and beating those exercises that previously beat me!!!

We all have that one exercise or one machine that taunts us, that laughs at us, that tells us that we can't do it. For me it's the Roman Chair. Last summer, I tried to do even one and I had to literally jump to get my knees to remotely approach my abs. I used every ounce of strength in my arms and chest in order to accomplish that one rep. I have not attempted it since that day.

Since last summer I have progressively become stronger in every area of my body. Running and spinning have made my lower body stronger. Push ups and planks have made me focus more on my core. I can now do regular push ups and every type of plank. TRX has increased my strength in places and in exercises I never thought I could do. For instance, there was one TRX exercise that was torturous for me at the beginning. It involves placing your toes in the TRX handles and lifting your body into a plank position. From there, you crunch your knees in while keeping your upper body in the plank. For the first 3 weeks of TRX training, I couldn't do these. My trainer had me do regular crunches on the floor. This pissed me off because I knew that with a little hard work and determination I could do this exercise. So every other day I worked on my planks and got better and better at them. At week four I shocked my trainer and other TRX members when I cranked out 16 of these TRX plank crunches!!! She was so proud of me and I was so happy with myself that I didn't let this exercise beat me.

That's exactly how I felt about the Roman Chair. When I couldn't do it last summer I was pissed that at that moment the chair beat me. I vowed to not let that happen again. Today was my vindication day over the Roman Chair!!!! Yahoo!!! Me: 1; Chair: 0!!!

Learning to love rest days

I never thought that I would loathe the days that I can't exercise. I absolutely despise them now. Prior to the start of my journey, much of my day was spent on the couch or in a chair...sitting, always sitting. Exercise was the furthest thing from my mind. I guess that's what happens when you lead a sedentary life for so long. In the summer (and winter) I would profusely sweat whenever I would walk short distances and the elevator was my best friend...stairs were my enemy. In all fairness, I was recovering from a knee injury resulting from a car accident so mobility was an issue.

Exercise days and rest days have a completely different feel to me now. I LOVE exercise days regardless of what I am doing. Some days I find myself spending hours at the gym only to come home and go out for a run with my husband. Yes, I sweat, but now I embrace sweating because I know that I worked hard. I no longer sweat walking short distances or taking the four flights of stairs to get to my office. I rarely take the elevator unless my hands are full or I'm in heels. Even activities with my husband have changed. We used to spend our evenings on the couch or out eating fatty and unhealthy meals at restaurants. Now, we spend our evenings and weekends at the gym, running, or doing some other outdoor activity.

Rest days are very difficult for me now. I HATE them with a passion. I need to be active at some point in the day and I have to force myself to take a day off. I know that my body needs rest days and recovery is important for future activity days. But I find that I am more tired on rest days and sometimes bored. Today is a rest day. Yesterday, I did some strength training and taught my Zumba class. I have been having massages every two weeks for the last month and a half to help with my running. My runs have been inconsistent for the last two months due to back pain when running on pavement. I read that massages really help runners, so I've combined massages with some focuses strength training back exercises recommended by my trainer and working on improving my posture in order to get me back on track with my training. So far, the massages seem to be helping and I have been able to run on the treadmill and completed a 5K run on the treadmill. The real test is if I am able to do a 5K on the pavement. I had another massage last night so today became a rest day.

Part of my problem with rest days is that I feel guilty and lazy...wow, never thought I would say that. I feel like I'm not being productive if I am not working out. I am slowly realizing that I am being productive and I'm not being lazy because my body needs the break in order perform the next time out. While I am resting, my body is busy repairing itself from all the "torture" I did to it the previous day. So while my brain thinks I'm being lazy, my body is doing lots of work...maybe I need to tell my brain to "shut up"! So I guess while I may not love rest days, I think I am learning to appreciate them.